Why can't people be more direct??

Today I have been getting 20 emails in my inbox from my neighbors. (Email is a great way for everyone living here to share news and information about what is going on in our little section of town.) It has been a reply to all kind of morning. The most recent gripe has been about people not picking up after their dogs.

Before I continue, let me paint a picture of my neighborhood for you. Our "hood" (as we like to call it) is shaped like a lollipop. You drive in on the stick and either turn right or left around the candy/circle. Sidewalks line the streets. The oldest house here was built in the 1800's. We have houses on the Macon historic registry. We have a house or two built in the 60's. Some homes have less than 1500 square feet and some with 6,000+. It goes from cottages to mansions here. There are 50 altogether.

We have a reputation for being a very fun, close knit neighborhood. We have an annual 4th of July party, spring party and Christmas party. Our kids play football and frisbee in the street. We borrow eggs from each other. We meet once a month to discuss issues ranging from what color to paint the historic street lamps to finding a date for the Easter egg hunt. We also meet once a month over a keg of beer. The weekly "cocktail cruise" usually starts about 5:15 on Friday afternoon. Parents cruise (walk) with their styrofoam cups behind their children's big wheels, scooters or tricycles. It's just that kind of neighborhood. Wide streets. Long afternoons with people talking over their fences.

So when the dog poop conversation comes up everyone wants to throw in their two cents. (By all means we need to keep this neighborhood sparkling white!) except for the guilty parties (they, of course, are silent). But if no one ever names names we are going to be right back where we started in a month or so. The guilty will continue to leave their crap behind. The rest of us will continue to endure the vast amount of emails.

Why can't people be more direct????

I only post this because I am a very direct person. If someone is doing something that is hurtful or annoying I tell it like it is. Of course I am polite but direct. I use my "feeling" words.

Let's all try it out... "I feel ___________ when ___________. Next time please______."

pause... pause.... pause...

Now my turn:
"'B' (no need to name names here on my blog), I feel frustrated when I have to pick up a pound of dog poop that has been deposited by your 150 pound Labrador. Would you please use a grocery bag to pick up after 'S' on your next walk?"

Wouldn't this be much better than 50 people getting bothered by 50 emails that do not pertain to them whatsoever because of one or two neighbor's irresponsibility?

I did not send out the original "poop" email this morning so I am not going to be direct on this one. I have a dog. I pick up after her if she is out of our yard. If there is a little extra poop in our yard from a neighbor's dog, no biggie. But what I don't want is a vast amount of emails smothering my inbox over something that doesn't pertain to me because someone is not going directly to the source of the problem.

So, people- use your feeling words!!!! Here are some more examples:

"Honey, I feel disgusted when I sit on the toilet with the toilet seat is up. There are times when I have fallen in and that adds to my aggravation. Please put the toilet seat down." (This does not happen in our house, thank heavens.)

OR-

"Sweety, I feel unappreciated when you do not notice that all the laundry is put away when you know it is my least favorite thing IN THE WORLD to do. Please just give me a bit of acknowledgement for this task." (This also does not occur in my house because the laundry never gets put away.)

See how easy that is? You say how you feel and the other person sympathises with your feelings. Do not point the finger. Do not use the word "you" (as in "you leave the toilet seat up"). That immediately puts the other person on the defensive.

Go for it! It works!